Never Perfect

♥ The mom of two beautiful children named Medina Sofea and Mikael Syarf ♥
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My labor and delivery story
Here's my labor and delivery story ^_^

11 November
10.00 a.m : Went for a check up with my husband. Hati saya kuat mengatakan this most probably will be my last check up. Gulpp. Nervous and excited. On the way balik sempat singgah Nasi Beriani Insaf sbb teringin sangat ^_^

12 November
6.00 a.m : First blood show. No constant surges. Only cramping now and then. So I decided to stay at home and not going to work.
8.30 p.m : Went to GMC because worried about my baby's condition since I noticed that my baby is moving less than usual. The nurse monitored my baby's heartbeat using a CTG machine. Alhamdulillah baby's heartbeat was okay. Only mild contractions. She carried out a vaginal examination. 2 cm dilated. She asked me nak admit or balik-rumah-lepak-lepak-bila-sakit-sangat-baru-datang. Eh of course lar I chose the second one kann... ^_^

13 November
Went to school as usual. Enter the class as usual. Semua seperti kebiasaannya. 

14 November
5.00 a.m : First surges. Took a nap in case surges become stronger and might be in labour. Surges comes and go. When I timed, they were not constant. 

6.40 a.m : My husband went to work. Tak sampai hati nak tahan and asked him to take a leave lagi. Eventhough my instincts are telling me that I'll deliver our baby today! 

11.50 a.m : One of my colleagues forced me to go to the hospital for check-up and for any in case. Reluctantly went because I was in no pain or constant surges. But I did. Not blaming anyone because I made the decision by myself. Thank you papa for sending me to the hospital.

12.30 p.m : At the hospital, brought to the labour room. The CTG was put right away to monitor the baby's heartbeat and my contractions were still low. The nurse did VE. 6-7 cm dilated! Ok nurse terkejut and asked me to take my lunch cepat-cepat. Called my husband immediately. Ate my lunch and perform Zuhur prayer. Nurse called. 'Puan Fazlina, Doc Fidak just called. Dia minta Puan change the clothes dan berehat.' Ok saya akur. 

2.00 p.m : My husband came. I was sleepy but I didn't sleep. I move around so I could dilate faster. I squat. I walked. I bend. I tried the theory of nipple stimulation. 

3.30 p.m : The nurse did VE. Again pftt! 8 cm dilated. Whatsapp-ed with my friends and relatives. 

4.45 p.m : Surges were constant by this time. 5 mins apart and very intense. Unable to hold any conversation with my husband anymore. I kept on reading 'Rabbi Yassir Walla Tu'assir'. Masuk labour room. Surges were very strong. Can't move anymore. So in that strong surges I really focus on my deep breathing. The nurse gave me a back massage with her warm palm. Thank you Miss Siti Haizan :) It was soothing. Surges were stronger and closer. Everytime I breathe in, I zikir Ya Rahman. When I breathe out, I zikir Ya Rahim. When it was too strong, I said Allahuakbar. I told my husband that I can't take it anymore. Alhamdulillah Doc Fidak sampai and she did VE. I was 9-10 cm dilated. Doc Fidak broke my water bag. With every surges my whole body especially my head trembled beyond my control. 

5.20 p.m : Doc Fidak suruh push. I pushed very hard 4 - 5 times before I felt there was something in between my vagina. Hard. Oh my baby's head! My husband yg tengok terus rasa mcm nak pitam. HAHAHA! I kept on breathing and pushed one more time. Felt like baby was sliding down. I think baby's head and shoulder was out. 

5.30 p.m : Heard baby's first cry. Allahuakbar. Doc put the baby on my chest. Immediate skin to skin. Breastfeed my baby. Baby latched like a champ! Baby was pink, alert and calm. Alhamdulillah. All praises to Allah. My husband azan-ed the baby. *tears

Alhamdulillah very minimal intervention (just a couple of VE's), no painkiller, no pitocin, no epidural and no episiotomy. But still the number of stitches needed. Saya yakin Allah will not put me through something that I can't handle. My body is engineered for this. InsyaAllah. So sekian sahaja my labor and delivery story ^_^

Such a heartbreaking loss
Assalamualaikum to all readers.It has been a long time since I posted and there is a whole lot that I want to share with whoever wants to read :) Medina will be 11 months old next week! She grows up all too fast! She says 'baba ba' and 'mmmama' when she's crying and she says 'mamammm mam' when she wants to eat. Climbing stairs by crawling up and down on her hands and knees. Clap hands when anyone of us sing a song. Love to play with her baba's tennis ball. Love to play peek-a-boo game :) Raising a baby, really exciting! 

Drama queen sangat!

Next update was about my 2nd pregnancy. On 17th August, found out that I was pregnant for 5w 3d. Not expected but soOoOoo happy! Went for a regular check-up every month. Alhamdulillah semuanya ok but last Friday, notice ada blood stain. Cuba tenangkan hati dan berdoa supaya tiada perkara buruk berlaku. Went for a check up at Klinik Dahlia malam itu juga. After went in for my ultrasound,  I noticed something wrong with my baby. I did not see a heartbeat :'( 

.paused. *grabbed a tissue

When doc came in, I already knew the devastating news. Luluh hati. Memang saya noticed a decrease in pregnancy symptoms over the last couple of days tapi saya anggap itu adalah normal since I'm entering my 2nd trimester now.The doc highly recommend supaya saya get a check up with any gynaecologist to be sure. Malam itu saya pulang dan still hoping for a miracle. Air mata saya bergenang. Still can control my emotions in front of the doc. But after came out from the examination room, Allah sahaja yg tahu betapa hancur luluhnya hati saya. 
I thought passing the 13 week line means I am already on the safe side. Who knows what Allah has in plan for us? 

p/s : Ini entry yang saya tak habis karang sbb time tu jiwa rapuh sangat :)

My first post after one and a half years!
It has been a long time since I wrote a post on my blog. Almost one and a half years! So many things happened. Bad things and good things. But I believe everything in life happens for a reason.

Dan Kami akan uji kalian dengan keburukan dan kebaikan sebagai cubaan dan kepada Kamilah kamu akan kembali. (Surah Al-Anbiya; ayat 35)

4th October 2012 : Miscarriage at 13 weeks. Notice little tiny spots of blood on my undies. Went to the clinic after Maghrib prayer. The doctor said there was no heartbeat and I was having a miscarriage. Luluh hati. I was given the options of wait for it to pass naturally or have a D&C. Still hoping for a miracle so I choose to pass it naturally. The next day, went to Naluri Medical Center. Dr. Kay confirmed that there was no fetal heartbeat. I was scheduled for a D&C tomorrow. The doctor advised me to rest at home. She was sort of afraid I would faint. Tapi saya degil. My husband, Sofea and I went for an evening walk at Taman Layang-Layang Kepong. I prayed so hard for a natural miscarriage to happen. Rasa tak sampai hati nak remove our dead baby from my body secara paksa. Entah lar but I feel like I owe it to my baby to try and pass it naturally. I just don't like being bullied into a procedure when there are plenty of reasons not to do it. Alhamdulillah after Maghrib prayer, I felt some cramping and saw some large clots passed. The fetus came out fully in sac *tears Went to NMC tomorrow morning, undergo ultrasound procedure before the doctor decided to perform D&C because there was tissue remaining that needed to be cleared. Ok pasrah dan redha. Kena almost RM 1.5k jugak la. My body healed and recovered relatively quickly. Alhamdulillah. But emotionally, the healing process took much longer. *tears

17th November 2013 : My daughter, Medina Sofea just turned two. In the two years she has gone from being a baby to a big sister. But one thing for sure she'll always be my baby, mummy's little girl. 

Ya Allah…
Didiklah anak-anakku menjadi insan yang Engkau redhai
Engkaulah pelindung iman dan taqwa mereka
Moga mereka ceria di dunia dan di akhirat
Tiadalah daya upayaku
Ya Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim
Biarlah wajah anak-anakku sentiasa tenang seperti mereka sedang tidur
Pada hari mereka mengadapMu nanti
Biarlah wajah mereka
Sebersih sesuci masa kecilnya
Tidak seperti wajah-wajah mereka yang engkau ancam dengan nerakaMu
Seperti yang diceritakan dalam KitabMu
Berilah pada mereka kitab amal mereka ditangan kanan mereka
Ku mohon padaMu ya Allah ya Rahman
Pilihlah anak-anakku menjadi insan yang mewarisi Syurga Firdaus Mu
Peliharalah aqidah mereka di dunia yang penuh fitnah ini
Pandanglah wajah mereka dengan belas kasihanMu
Moga mereka sentiasa dalam redaMu

14th November 2013 : The greatest thing happened in my life. Safely delivered our little caliph weighed 3.0 kg through normal vaginal delivery. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah. Yakinlah, rancangan Allah adalah sebaik-baik perencanaan. Will share the story later. 

Medina's first protein meal
Alhamdulillah successfully breastfeed Medina for her first 6 months and still continuing till now. Maybe sehingga Medina berusia 2 years or beyond. When she is 6 months old, I gave her additional foods along with breast milk to help fulfil her requirement for energy and other nutrients. So, for her first solid food, I started with pureed apple, pureed banana, pureed pear, pureed pumpkin, pureed carrot and blended rice porridge + breast milk. I introduced only one new food at a time and apply the 4-day rule. Once Medina has been introduced to a variety of foods, slowly I started to serve her with a combination of foods in a single meal. Example, blended rice porridge with pureed carrot. Now, I started to introduce protein meal to Medina.

Olive oil (contains necessary omega stuff which is good for baby’s brain development)
Holland onion, finely chopped
Chicken breast, diced
Carrot, diced
Chicken stock

1. Heat up your cooking olive oil.
2. Add the onion. Saute for 3-5 minutes over a low heat, stir.
3. Add the chicken and fry until cooked (2-3 minutes).
4. Add your diced carrot and chicken stock until all the ingredients are covered.
5. Bring to the boil and simmer for 15 minutes.
6. Blend until smooth as you wish.

Tadaaaa siapp! Medina’s favourite food so far. I used only fresh ingredients and never add salt, sugar, sauces into her food. Not until she is 1 y-o. So, chicken stock tu I prepared it myself. I never combined sweet potatoes and rice in a single meal. Sbb both tu great source of carbohydrate. Rasa mcm too heavy for baby’s digestive system yg still not mature enough. I put Medina’s food in a small tupperware (a gift from my year 1 pupil sempena Teacher’s Day yg lalu), froze them and heat it back using a warmer whenever I need it. Easy for Medina’s Atok or Opah Yan when they need to feed Medina too. I have to cook everyday sbb Medina mmg sgt kuat makan! Just like her daddy HAHA! Medina’s mommy mmg sgt malas memasak but for Medina, saya gigihkan hati ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿ Pernah larr once I fed Medina with KFC mashed potatoes while travel dari Cameron to Selayang sbb food stock Medina habis. But as we know, excessive levels of sodium and glucose is not good for our health apatah lagi for babies. Some of you might say that we can't afford to cook for our babies everyday, tape masak in a big portion, selebihnya froze. During our pregnancy, we eat nutricious foods to ensure a healthy birth weight and our baby has sufficient high-quality protein and calcium intake. So why don't we continue to practise this good eating habits in our baby's diet kan mommies?

Read this article mommies!

my darling angel
Okayy baru sy tahu, it's not easy being a mommy. Mommies and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. At school, during the free time kena rushed for solat Zuhur, solat Asar and squeeze pumping sessions in between. Makan pon sometimes tak sempat. Mahu tak mahu kerja di sekolah terpaksa dibawa pulang bersama ke rumah. Now, i'm teaching in the morning session. So have to wake up early in the morning for pumping session. Bagi memastikan milk supply for Medina mencukupi. Alhamdulillah, till now masih lagi diberi peluang utk breastfeed Medina sepenuhnya. And i'm fully enjoying the closeness and bonding that breastfeeding brings ◕ ‿ ◕

Medina Sofea,
I am not a perfect mom but i strive to change just for you sayang.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” – Sophia Loren

Aqiqah Luncheon
Alhamdulillah the required deed of aqiqah is done. Thank you so much to all of our families and friends who came to Medina's aqiqah luncheon 29th April yang lalu. Yupss majlis was held in April, July baru terhegeh-hegeh nak update. Like i said in my previous entry, April has been a busy month for me. Bukan April sahaja, May also HAHA!

 My baby with her favourite men, Baba, Atuk and Paksu Min.
Mak Tok fed Medina with a sip of air zam zam.

I made this dadih myself.
Dengan bantuan from my cousins, Nadhirah and Sarah of course.
As a doorgift :)

Another doorgift, apam polka dot dot dot.
Baru tahu rupanya sgt senang buat apam ni!
Just send few messages to confirm ur order,
tnggu depan pagar, pay & siap utk diedarkan kpd para tetamu HAHA!
Okayyy not funny tapi thank you tag tu i made myself tahu.
At leasttt.....
Thanksss Akma!

Doorgift for kiddos, marshmallow dip with choc.
Ada apple and orange filling inside.
Order from my friend, Nurul. Yummyliciouss!
From left : Mama's little heartbreaker and
Baba's heartbreaker HAHA bluwerrkkk!

April is over. It has been a busy month for me. Have to complete KISSM individual task, preparing for Medina's aqiqah, attending KISSM bla bla bla. With all the school work and household chores, exhausted sangat. While busy doing my assignment, I accidentally cracked my laptop's screen. Dugaan. Nasib Medina's daddy is computer literate, so all my important work docs can be saved. Attending a course for 3 days with Medina mmg mencabar. Setiap kali waktu rehat, I've rushed to my room to breastfeed Medina. Juga memberi ruang utk Medina's grandpa utk keluar mencari makan. I owe u, Dad. For taking care of me and my child.

Oh my Lord, open for me my chest.
And make my task easy for me.
And remove the impediment from my speech so they may understand me.
Surah Taha 20:25 - 20:27
I've made this doa several times dan Alhamdulillah, Allah permudahkan segala urusan saya. Tajuk for tugasan individu dan tugasan berkumpulan adalah sama. Dan soalan itu juga come out in the examination, essay part. Alhamdulillah.

My happy baby! She was laughing & smiling.
Mungkin Medina fikir that her mama will bring her along to the seminar hall HAHA!

p/s : this post has been kept as a draft for a month! ini serius punya busy neh pftt -.-"

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